It's a Start

Five pounds. I'm down five pounds since I starting tracking myself on the Wii. It's not much for 8 weeks, but it's a start in the right direction. (And since I gained 15 pounds just by changing the batteries in my bathroom scale, I'm trusting that the Wii is far more accurate.) So only 5 more to go to reach my first small goal, and 45 more to go to reach my much bigger goal.

Face to Face with Reality

Every now and then it happens. I know people wonder - "How can you stand being sooo fat!" The thing is, I don't notice how fat I am. Oh, I know I'm overweight. I know I am large. But I seldom realize just how very large that is. I'm the photographer in the family. That means I'm never in the photos, I'm always behind the camera. Now my husband has permission to use my camera anytime he feels like it, but he never does. I enjoy scrapbooking, and I get ticked when I'm putting together a family event and I'm not in any of the pictures. My youngest has taken to taking pictures of everything - but she likes to take close-ups. Her photos are typically larger than life faces. If I'm in a photo, I'm behind someone, or holding something, or sitting, or half of my body is cut off. This is not really on purpose. I am so large that it's easier to use me as a background prop than the actual subject of the photo.

I got to see some photos taken of me this week. Reality bites. I know I'm big, but no, I didn't know I was that big. I've got the double chin, the huge, sagging boobs, and the spare tire. That's what did it. I'd never really seen the spare tire before.

So then the question, don't you have any mirrors in your house? Of course I do. And I do my hair in front of them, my make-up, I brush my teeth, I even check to see if my clothes are straight. But I seldom really look at myself in them. And, until two years ago, we didn't have any full-length mirrors. We changed the closet doors in the girls room into sliding mirrored doors, but you take your life into your hands trying to walk in there to get a glimpse of yourself.

I just don't think of myself as morbidly obese. In fact it took years of reminding myself that I was fat to get somewhat adjusted to the space I take up in the world. You know, in a crowded restaurant when you have to slip between two chairs, I had to literally remind myself "nope, you're too big, you can't fit through there." That thought occurs almost second-naturedly now. But to be this big? No, I didn't realize that I was this big.

Maybe a new approach

I'm still struggling. I suppose if dieting were easier it wouldn't have the word "die" in it. Hmm, how many ways can I look at that? Die to self? Die to self-indulgence? The will must die? "Create in me a clean heart, oooo God. And renew a right spirit within me." I want to be a new creation. (At least a smaller creation). Yes, now I've gone all religious on you. Well it is my Blog :o) My mother had a Christian diet calendar when I was a girl. Each month quoted a Bible verse that somehow applied to dieting. There's one month I can't forget. It was a quote said by John the Baptist, "He must increase and I must decrease."

So now I'm coming at this from the other end. I got the Wii Fit for Mother's Day. It arrived last Tuesday. We set it up and started using it on Wednesday. I like that it will track my weight and BMI (body mass index). I especially like that it seems more accurate than my scale (I gained 15 pounds just by changing the battery - turns out it's only 5). Fortunately it only has a few categories. So I register as "obese" rather than "morbidly obese" or "disgustingly obese". But, unfortunately, it will take me a looong time to become anything other than "obese". I'll do the body test again tomorrow and see if anything changes (please let me go below the line and not above!). It also claims that my fit age is 1 year below my actual age, we'll see if that changes too. I'm hoping that by getting off my bum and moving I will encourage myself into dieting again. We'll see.

Off Again, On Again

Off again, on again, up and down, it's the saga of any diet. You would think that since my health is involved I would be more capable of following the diet. That's just not the case. Perhaps if I had severe reactions when I ate foods off diet I would be more likely to maintain, but nothing happens immediately to me.

What happens when I go off diet? I gain weight. The brain starts getting a little foggy. I notice it at first, but then I get used to it, and in the midst of searching for lost items I don't think 'well I never would have lost them if I'd been eating correctly.' Eventually I will get a sinus infection. But again, that's not an immediate reaction.

What happens on the diet? I feel alert. I can think better, I'm more organized and I can accomplish more. I lose weight. I kill off some of those bacteria that cause my sinus infections.

So why wouldn't I stick with it? Well, I can't eat grains on the diet. Do you have any idea what a vast amount of grains America consumes? Snack food - grains, comfort food - high in grains, convenience foods - grains (plus chemicals). And let's not forget the cost of real food. Vegetables, fruit and meat - ounce for ounce have got to be the most expensive stuff in the grocery store.

So anyway, it's day 3 - once again. I had a dream this weekend that I went to the doctor, weighed in at 500 pounds and was told that I was a diabetic. None of this is currently true, and I don't want any of it to ever be true. I started the diet again when I woke up that morning.

Days 3 and 4

I got through the evening with a warm cloth covering my face. About 10 o'clock that night, when I no longer felt like throwing up, I opted to eat some yogurt. Now I do have SCD homemade yogurt in my fridge, but I can't remember when I made it. I'm certain it's been longer than two weeks - so the probiotics shouldn't be good anymore. It may even be longer than 3 weeks, but it looked okay, and smelled okay - so I chanced it. It tasted glorious. (I didn't like the yogurt when I first tried it, but I have come to find that the honey makes all the difference. When I'm eating something where I can taste the honey I use the good stuff -$$$-, from the health food store. In yogurt I really like the "flavored" honeys. Now they don't have flavor added - that would be illegal. They are named for the blossoms the bees visit to gather the pollen to make their honey. I really like orange blossom honey, especially with a sliced banana in yogurt. Last night I tried my new bottle of raspberry - yum!) Within 15 minutes I felt better than I had all day. I had a second bowl. Food at last!

The third day, my headache was mainly gone when I woke up. Yea! No need to call the doctor on this one. I chose to take it easy and not wear myself out trying to catch up with all the mess just yet.
Breakfast: Hard Boiled Eggs, Grape Juice
Lunch: Leftover chicken
Dinner: Broiled Hamburgers, French Cut Green Beans

Saturday, Day 4 - I woke up with a slight bit of sinus pressure. When will this ever go away? At least I felt stronger than I have all week. After cleaning the kitchen a bit and stirring up some bread to let rise (for everyone else, not me), I made myself a batch of banana pancakes. The recipe is really simple - 1 egg, 1 banana. I mix it in a blender. I also add an extra egg. This actually doesn't stretch the recipe any further, but I think the pancakes might hold together a bit more. I found the trick for me is to keep them small - silver dollar size. That way my spatula can slide completely under a pancake and pick up the entire thing to flip it. I cook my banana pancakes in coconut oil - yum! I get about 12 from one batch.

Breakfast: Banana Pancakes, applesauce
Lunch: Leftover chicken, heated and sprinkled with more Parmesan
Diner: Broiled Steak, Cinnamon Carrots, Stir-Fried Peppers and Mushrooms served over the steak.

So what are Cinnamon Carrots, you ask? Coined carrots, boiled in water. Drain the water. Glob a generous portion of butter on top, then sprinkle some cinnamon, stir until well mixed.

I think I'll have some yogurt for a snack later. Maybe it will take care of this slight headache :o)

Day 2

Currently I'm feeling absolutely miserable. I haven't even eaten anything all day except a cup of tea. My sinuses are throbbing. I used my neti pot this morning and I'll try it again this afternoon to see if that will help any. I hope this is mostly because of the diet, but if this is still going on late tomorrow I'll probably break and call my doctor.

Yesterday:
Snack: More grape juice and the last cup of soup.
Dinner: Boiled Chicken breast, sprinkled with salt, basil and Parmesan cheese, Sauteed zucchini (I knew I wouldn't get through dinner on intro, but I stayed SCD!)
Snack: Grape juice, cheddar cheese and pecans

Today:
Breakfast: Tea

Guess I better go find something to eat.

Day 1

I've been fighting a possible sinus infection, and I know if I can stick with SCD I'll be fine. . . but it's not easy. 2 days ago I didn't even make it through breakfast. Yesterday I survived until lunch. But today I'm determined. I don't have much prepared ahead, so if I just stay SCD legal I'll be happy. It's 3 o'clock and I've not only been legal, I've been on intro.

Breakfast: 3 eggs, scrambled. Tea.
Snack: 2oz Grape Juice diluted with 2oz water.
Lunch: Chicken Egg Drop broth with smashed 3hr boiled carrots.

I suppose I should mention that I've been sick all weekend which is why I haven't much prepared ahead. It started as a typical cold, but now that it's settling in my sinuses I need to come at it with guns blazing, even though I feel like retreating to the couch for a nap. Hmm, maybe after some more chicken broth soup.

Starting Today

I'm the wife of a bipolar and a Mom of 4. Five and a half years ago we started the Feingold Program. It's a diet used to treat ADHD by eliminating artificial colors, artificial flavors, artificial sweeteners and petroleum based additives. In other words, we got rid of many chemicals in our food. It wasn't too much of a change. I had been learning to cook for 10 years, ever since I had gotten married, so I could actually cook from scratch. Basically it was a matter of changing brands. I used to buy "X" brand of potato chips, now I buy "Z" brand.

The Feingold program has two stages. In the first stage you eliminate all of the above along with high salicylate foods. The higher salicylate foods are apparently similar in chemical composition to aspirin and can cause problems for some people. After 4-6 weeks of improvement on the program you add back the higher salicylate foods watching for reactions. We followed the Feingold program for over four years and were never able to add back in the higher salicylate foods without bad reactions. Four years without apples and tomatoes . . . something had to change.

I figured that an intolerance to food probably meant that we had "leaky guts". Our bodies were not digesting food properly, so the undigested portions of the food we ate were causing all sorts of problems within our bodies. Then I found SCD. The Specific Carbohydrate Diet, as written about in Breaking The Vicious Cycle by Elaine Gottschall. As a family we started the SCDiet late last January. Within 4 weeks we were able to add back all of the higher salicylate foods we had removed for four years. But the diet is extremely difficult to follow. We stuck to it for almost 3 months without infractions. Then we were doing so well we decided to eat out. That was the beginning of the end.

So here it is, almost a year after initially starting and I'm looking to start again. I know I need this. I know this will be hard, but I've got to do it. My health depends on it.